I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
