your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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