i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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