I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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