Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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