I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize