we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
