Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
