You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize