I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
