Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
