I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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