I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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