how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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