i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
