a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Still dying that you shit outside
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize