Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
