You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize