Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
