I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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