I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
