He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
