Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
