This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
