He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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