No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dignity is for republicans.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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