Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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