Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
