Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
