dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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