is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize