Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
false alarm, still single
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