I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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