Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize