Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
