i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
