If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
