This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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