I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i've created a new STD.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
