So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
