In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
