Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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