y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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