The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
