the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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