Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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