1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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