i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
