i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize