We need to rekindle our bromance
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
