hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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