Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
