My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
