I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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