I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
