On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
