Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
