Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
