True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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