Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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