Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
