I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Still dying that you shit outside
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize