take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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