Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
