tell your sister to shave her snatch
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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