Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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