I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
