She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
