I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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