This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
