my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize