just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
