Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize