i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
