That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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