We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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