If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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