1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
