She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sext me about skeletons
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
