I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Farmville is her only friend.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
