You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
