I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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