I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
