he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
