2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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