batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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