I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
